Screw You Insurance

We'll have your money when you most need it!

Life Insurance
Health Insurance
Mortgage Insurance
Auto Insurance

We Support Obama's Health Care Reform

Our market analysis team has determined that stock-holders can expect sharp increases in the value of our stocks as soon as Congress votes in the new legislation that will force everyone to get health insurance. Because of the sudden influx of clients that will come our way, profits should boom. Although some increase in operating cost is expected (we may have to create new low-level clerical jobs), we are asking everyone to help lobby their congressman to create loopholes so that the new employees will have to fund their own insurance despite their low pay grade--effectively increasing our client base even more!

More good news is that this legislation will bring in healthy people who won't be making claims! Health nuts who saw no need in health insurance now can't avoid our services. Prospects never looked so good!

We are so happy with the proposed health care reform in America that we are considering offering Obama a seat on our Board of Directors as soon as his term ends.

Protect Your Family

Times are tough. You never know what calamity is around the corner. That is why it is important to choose the right insurance company. We can help protect you, your family and your future. Actually, we can't really do anything to protect you... but we can offer you a way to pay on those financial responsibilities that you are legally obliged to fund.

Thanks to our well funded lobbyists, we have secured laws that force you to pay us for such items as auto insurance (and hopefully health insurance). Thanks to our backhand deals with pharmaceutical companies, healthcare providers and others, we have successfully increased the cost of healthcare to such a level that you have no choice but to buy our services. (Our investors will be happy to know that we intend to continue making deals that will, in short order, continue to raise the cost of all healthcare services.)

Don't get Screwed!

Other insurance companies make all kinds of promises about caring about you. SY Insurance is different. We'll tell you the truth up front: All we care about it your money! We'll do whatever it takes to get you to buy our services--then fight tooth and claw to keep it. With us, there is no beating around the bush.

That's integrity that you can trust and depend on.

Standard Insurance Policies

Home Insurance

We offer a huge range of home insurance policies that cover calamaties such as extinction-level asteroid impacts, Armageddon, zombie wars and Critical Hits as defined by the D20 system.

Auto Insurance

Sooner or later there is going to be a crash somewhere in the world. Shouldn't you be a responsible driver? We'll cover all* accidents so that you don't have to stress out about being a good driver.

New & Premium Insurance Policies

Halloween Insurance

Few people are prepared for the hard times following a Halloween where you put out disappointing decorations. We can help you cope with the humiliation.

Space Suit Insurance

With the advent of cheap and affordable space travel, the number of shabby space suit suppliers has sky-rocketted. Don't go into space without protecting your space suit investment with space suit insurance.

Racism Insurance

With racism and bigotry on the rise, you may want to pick up one of our newest policies that will help you sleep better at night... even if the rest of society is in the middle of a racial frenzy.

Alien Abduction Insurance

Since aliens are coming down and taking people all the time, you can never sign up too quickly for our alien abduction insurance. People who live in trailers in Kentucky, West Virginia and Southern Ohio are encouraged to get this valuable service right now.

About to Die?

Are you about to die? Wouldn't you like to leave behind a legacy that will live on? We have the perfect solution! Our Life Insurance offers impressive service plans that will help invest in the future. None of your money will be wasted on fancy funerals, burials, ceremonies or loafing family! Most of your money will go into our investment funds that will help our executives live very well long after you are gone. Time is running out! Hurry up and call us now!

Important considerations in choosing an Insurance Company

Did you ever wonder what would happen to your family if a giant asteroid hit your home? Would you be protected?
If a drunk driver smashed into your car and killed your children, would you be able to cover the thousands of dollars it costs to bury them? Or what if you spend your last dollar at the bar and kill another family--could you afford their funerals?
If China declares war on the United States, could your insurance company deal with a nuclear explosion?
If a hurricane took out your entire state, could your insurance company quickly rebuild local bars and night clubs?
If an earthquake sucked California into the Pacific, could your insurance company pull it back and set everything right?

If you answered any of these questions...

It really doesn't matter what you answered to these questions. In reality, all that matters is that we are here for your money. We are standing by to take your money no matter what your present insurance company can handle.

We are a non-partisan insurance agency willing to take your money regardless of your race, sex, religion, political party or height*.